Article by Karla Downing

Most of us don’t do well with nurturing ourselves. We are experts at taking care of others’ needs and ignoring our own needs. Some of this self-neglect comes from four Christian codependency beliefs that prevent you from nurturing yourself.

Which of these beliefs have contributed to you not nurturing yourself? 

1. It is selfish to take care of myself. We buy into the lie that God doesn’t want us to take care of ourselves. Ephesians 5:29 says, “After all, no one ever hates his own body, but he feeds and cares for it” (NIV). It is assumed that you will take care of yourself. Jesus took care of himself. He rested to renew himself spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally while caring for others.

2. I am responsible for other people. Galatians 6:5 says, “Each one should carry his own load” (NIV). You are not responsible for doing for others what they should do for themselves. We need to care for others that God brings into our lives but with a balance that protects ourselves and keeps us healthy. t is not our responsibility to fix people. Many of us are drawn to people that need fixing as a way of ignoring our own issues. We compulsively focus on others to avoid looking at ourselves.

3. I can’t say no. Matthew 5:37 says, “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your “No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one” (NIV). If saying no is hard for you, you need to work on strengthening your ability to say no. God doesn’t expect you to say yes to everything asked of you. Whether it is guilt, fear, obligation, or people pleasing, you have the right to choose what you want to do with your time, energy, emotions, and resources, because you are steward over them.

4. I don’t have enough money or time. Philippians 4:19 says, “And my God will meet all your needs” (NIV). You may not have what you want to take care of yourself (money for new clothes, manicures, expensive trips, golf club memberships, etc.), but you have what you need: a desire. Learn to take care of yourself in simple ways: take a walk, take a long bath, read a book, attend to your emotional needs, find quiet time, add a break in your routine, meditate, get a video, or spend time with a friend.

Not only do you need to take care of yourself, God wants and expects you to take care of yourself. Take the first step into letting go of your Christian codependency: correct these four beliefs that prevent you from nurturing yourself.

About the Author

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Karla Downing is an author, speaker, licensed marriage and family therapist, and Bible study teacher. Karla’s passion is to help people find freedom in Christ in the midst of their difficult relationships and circumstances through Biblical truths and practical tools.

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